Do I Really Need to Know My Lawyer’s Pronouns?

I feel I am a lawyer (employed)

The lawyer ended her letter with the following:

Ngā mihi nui XXXX XXXX (she/her) Employed Barrister

When I hire a lawyer, I don’t care if they’re XX, XY, XXY, or from the Planet Kaka. I don’t need to know their favourite pronouns, preferred adjectives, or what they scribble in their diary under “gender identity of the week.” What I do care about is whether they have the right pieces of paper, and can read the law better than the judge, draft a brief that makes ACC squirm, and win the bloody case.

The legal world has always thrived on formality: silk gowns, wigs, Latin phrases nobody understands. Now we’re meant to add “he/him,” “she/her,” or “they/them” like we’re filling out a census at the start of every email. Does this make them better lawyers? Will it shave a cent off their hourly rate? Will it put food on my table? I doubt it.

It feels a bit like putting a “Certified Gluten-Free” sticker on a chainsaw. Very nice, but utterly irrelevant. The only question that matters is: Does it cut?

This obsession with labelling ourselves has little to do with professionalism and everything to do with virtue-signalling. It’s the modern version of polishing the brass while the ship takes on water. In the Freerangers world, your value comes from your deeds, not the labels you wear. When you’re out in the bush, no one cares what you call yourself – they only care whether you can start a fire, find clean water, and get everyone home alive.

So, to every professional who feels compelled to paste pronouns after their name: I’ll respect whatever you want to be called, but here’s my counter-offer. Spare me the alphabet soup. Show me competence, integrity, and courage. Let your work speak louder than your labels.

And if you really must put something after your name, make it useful:

• Marilyn Smith (wins 9 out of 10 cases)

• Dr. Brown (specialist in fixing what others botch)

• John Smith (charges half the rate, gets twice the results)

Now that’s the sort of identifier worth knowing.

Gary – Freeranger (human, no further labels required)